brandon this was the night i realized that if you ever turned gay even for a brief moment i would sit on your face……. no homo
I add onto it every year! Ten years, baby. Be proud of your journey, simply because it’s yours.
i unravel myself at the seams
hide from monsters who have long since outgrown
closets and quiet bedroom corners
and holidays at my father’s estate
i only create when i feel destroyed
thus i’m only an artist half the time
(who knew turpentine would erase the soul
out of me)
the other half i’m a graveyard of potential
where american dreams go to die
i don’t remember the last time touch excited me
maybe it was the last time i loved
but i don’t know what the word means anymore
all i understand is fuck me and fuck you
and cigarette butts
but i still want them to want me
the mornings are ghosts at the foot of my bed
the nights are hauntings
firefly phantoms humming down my throat
bed sores and migranes
my life consists of pretty pink pills and whiskey
i climb garrett mountain and look over all of paterson
the preschool, the old church,
my uncle in prison, the old chicken supreme he & i used to visit,
and i look over route 19 and wish i could jump and fly
I missed out on a lot because I grew up on the island. When I’m in a crowd full of Americans, whether they be Cuban-American, Korean-American, or good ol’ African-American, I feel out of place. I feel like my clothes smell like burning garbage on the street, like I have mango flesh between my teeth, like my tongue is too thick to pronounce words with a perfect New Jersey accent.
I had to cram an American childhood into a head already filled with one.
Who is Christopher Wallace, and why did he and Mr. Shakur not get along? What is Nickelodeon? Spice Girls bubblegum? I don’t understand the lyrics to this 80s song, but I guess I should know them by heart since everyone else does. We drank Tang on the island, but I guess I’ll drink Kool-Aid from now on. Lauryn Hill? She’s no Celia Cruz, no La Lupe, no Millie Quezada, but her hair is pretty and she likes to laugh so I guess I’ll listen to her kill me softly. No, we don’t have cookouts in El Congo, we just have nights where we all sit on the street eating rice and fish out of a pot and laugh and tell stories and wonder what poor hood the cops are going to kill tonight. You reminisce playing hopscotch during recess, but I remember running home from school every day because the riots didn’t care if you were six or sixteen or sixty. No, I’m sorry, I don’t know about Prophet Jones, Mokenstef, or Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. But, I can tell you stories about hurricanes ripping plantain trees by the roots and poison frogs croaking at your bedside and dengue fever ripping you apart from your bones. I can paint you pictures of illegal Haitians squatting next door, your grandmother bleaching your skin because black is everything but beautiful on this island, and learning English in school just so the consulate takes a second look at your request for a visa.
No, I never got a chance to listen to Liz Phair or watch Harriet the Spy. I can’t sing you a few bars from my favorite Maxwell song, or talk about my favorite Spike Lee movie. But, honest to God, I wanted to replace everything in me with your beautiful American childhood. But just like accent marks and words and thoughts and ideas and me, these things got lost in translation.
I demand unconditional love and complete freedom. That is why I am terrible.
- A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
- B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
- C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
- D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
- E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
- F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
- G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
- H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
- I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
- J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
- K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
- L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
- M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
- N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
- O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
- P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
- Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
- R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
- S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
- T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
- U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
- V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
- W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
- X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
- Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
- Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.
- ASK ME THE THINGS!
i am so tired of these uncle tom and tio tomas ass cops that keep stopping us in my neighborhood, the other day a cop car swerved onto the pavement and told me to stop and put my hands up and i was like “*sideeye* why.” knowing damn well they woulda just shot my ass and then he told me to show him the tattoos on my neck and i was like “sir, ion eem got tattoos on my neck” and then i smoove walked around the cop car and said have a nice day lol
but wait i forgot the best part! den he was like “is your name ramon or roberto” and i was like “swerve, my name bryan”
Sun was high, so was I. I thought of you…